Funny Signs Found on Real Businesses

Maternity Clothes Shop:
-- We are open on labor day.

Non-smoking area:
-- If we see you smoking we will assume you're on fire and take appropriate action.

On a Maternity Room Door:
-- Push, Push, Push.

On a Front Door:
-- Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian -- except the dog.

Optometrist's Office:
-- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

Scientist's Door:
-- Gone fission

Taxidermist Window:
-- We really know our stuff.

Podiatrist's Window:
-- Time wounds all heels.

Butcher's window:
-- Let me meat your needs.

Used Car Lot:
-- Second-hand cars in first crash condition.

Sign on Fence:
-- Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

Car Dealership:
-- The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.

Muffler Shop:
-- No appointment necessary; we'll hear you coming.

Hotel:
-- Help wanted. We need inn-experienced people.

Butcher's Window:
-- Pleased to meat you.

Auto Body Shop:
-- May we have the next dents?

Sign in an office:
-- We shoot every 3rd salesman. The 2nd one just left.

Veterinarian's Waiting Room:
-- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

The Electric Company:
-- We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.

Beauty Shop:
-- Dye now!

Garbage Truck:
-- We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Computer Store:
-- Out for a quick byte

Diner Window:
-- Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.

Bowling Alley:
-- Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria:
-- Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Music Library:
-- Bach in a minuet.

Funeral Home:
-- Drive carefully; we'll wait.

Finally, there's the famous sign on I-5 in San Diego:
-- Cruise ships use next exit.